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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main emotion underneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we must agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. 6 Year Old Temper Tantrums
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