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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. 6 Year Old Twins
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.6 Year Old Twins
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach 6 Year Old Twins
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development 6 Year Old Twins
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? 6 Year Old Twins
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want 6 Year Old Twins
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. 6 Year Old Twins
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. 6 Year Old Twins
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … 6 Year Old Twins
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we need to want to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. 6 Year Old Twins
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. 6 Year Old Twins
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? 6 Year Old Twins
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? 6 Year Old Twins
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 6 Year Old Twins
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 6 Year Old Twins
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.