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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. 6A Positive Parenting
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.6A Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer 6A Positive Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development 6A Positive Parenting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? 6A Positive Parenting
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for 6A Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates far better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. 6A Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mother or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 6A Positive Parenting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … 6A Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. 6A Positive Parenting
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. 6A Positive Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? 6A Positive Parenting
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? 6A Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 6A Positive Parenting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. 6A Positive Parenting
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