Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. 7 Year Old Crying
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.7 Year Old Crying
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan 7 Year Old Crying
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development 7 Year Old Crying
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? 7 Year Old Crying
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want 7 Year Old Crying
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. 7 Year Old Crying
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 7 Year Old Crying
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … 7 Year Old Crying
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. 7 Year Old Crying
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 7 Year Old Crying
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? 7 Year Old Crying
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? 7 Year Old Crying
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 7 Year Old Crying
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. 7 Year Old Crying
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.