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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy child development 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion below it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. 7 Year Old Having Meltdowns
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