Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. 7 Year Old Picky Eater
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.7 Year Old Picky Eater
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer 7 Year Old Picky Eater
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy child development 7 Year Old Picky Eater
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? 7 Year Old Picky Eater
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want 7 Year Old Picky Eater
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always produces better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. 7 Year Old Picky Eater
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 7 Year Old Picky Eater
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling below it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … 7 Year Old Picky Eater
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. 7 Year Old Picky Eater
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. 7 Year Old Picky Eater
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? 7 Year Old Picky Eater
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? 7 Year Old Picky Eater
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 7 Year Old Picky Eater
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. 7 Year Old Picky Eater
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.