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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. 7 Year Old Tantrums
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.7 Year Old Tantrums
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach 7 Year Old Tantrums
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development 7 Year Old Tantrums
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? 7 Year Old Tantrums
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for 7 Year Old Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. 7 Year Old Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. 7 Year Old Tantrums
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … 7 Year Old Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we need to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. 7 Year Old Tantrums
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. 7 Year Old Tantrums
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? 7 Year Old Tantrums
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? 7 Year Old Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 7 Year Old Tantrums
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. 7 Year Old Tantrums
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