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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling below it
• Most angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we have to be ready to give. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. 8 Year Old Not Potty Trained
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