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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 8 Year Old Temper Tantrums
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