Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. 9 Month Old Crying
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.9 Month Old Crying
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution 9 Month Old Crying
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development 9 Month Old Crying
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? 9 Month Old Crying
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want 9 Month Old Crying
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. 9 Month Old Crying
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and extra common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. 9 Month Old Crying
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling under it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … 9 Month Old Crying
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. 9 Month Old Crying
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. 9 Month Old Crying
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? 9 Month Old Crying
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? 9 Month Old Crying
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. 9 Month Old Crying
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. 9 Month Old Crying
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.