A Family That Plays Together Stays Together – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Listen

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A Family That Plays Together Stays Together
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Offering your children whatever they want A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mommy or father you’ve always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Identify the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion beneath it

• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

Just how can you become a positive parent? A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. A Family That Plays Together Stays Together

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.

In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. A Family That Plays Together Stays Together


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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