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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Active Parenting Book
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Active Parenting Book
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Active Parenting Book
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Active Parenting Book
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Active Parenting Book
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Active Parenting Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Active Parenting Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and also much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Active Parenting Book
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Active Parenting Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Active Parenting Book
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Active Parenting Book
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Active Parenting Book
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Active Parenting Book
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Active Parenting Book
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Active Parenting Book
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.