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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Active Parenting Today
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Active Parenting Today
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Active Parenting Today
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Active Parenting Today
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Active Parenting Today
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Active Parenting Today
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration always yields better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Active Parenting Today
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and extra common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Active Parenting Today
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion under it
• Many angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Active Parenting Today
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Active Parenting Today
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Active Parenting Today
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Active Parenting Today
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Active Parenting Today
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Active Parenting Today
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Active Parenting Today
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