Adjusting To Kindergarten – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Behave

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Adjusting To Kindergarten
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Adjusting To Kindergarten

There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Adjusting To Kindergarten

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Adjusting To Kindergarten

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting technique.

I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Adjusting To Kindergarten

Adjusting To Kindergarten

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Adjusting To Kindergarten

Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Adjusting To Kindergarten

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than strict control.

Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued

• Helping kids to establish self-control

• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Adjusting To Kindergarten

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mama or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Get to the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

However we can progress a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Adjusting To Kindergarten

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling beneath it

• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Adjusting To Kindergarten

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we have to agree to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Adjusting To Kindergarten

This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Adjusting To Kindergarten

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Adjusting To Kindergarten

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Adjusting To Kindergarten

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Adjusting To Kindergarten

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Adjusting To Kindergarten


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