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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion below it
• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Affirmations For Peaceful Parenting
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