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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Against Positive Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Against Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Against Positive Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Against Positive Parenting
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Against Positive Parenting
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Against Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Against Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Against Positive Parenting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Against Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to want to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Against Positive Parenting
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Against Positive Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Against Positive Parenting
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Against Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Against Positive Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Against Positive Parenting
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