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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mommy or dad you have actually always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Age Appropriate Chores And Allowance
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