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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Ah Ha Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Ah Ha Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Ah Ha Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Ah Ha Parenting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Ah Ha Parenting
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Ah Ha Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration always yields far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Ah Ha Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Ah Ha Parenting
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Ah Ha Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Ah Ha Parenting
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Ah Ha Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Ah Ha Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Ah Ha Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Ah Ha Parenting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Ah Ha Parenting
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