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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Aha Parenting Biting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Aha Parenting Biting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Aha Parenting Biting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Aha Parenting Biting
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Aha Parenting Biting
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Aha Parenting Biting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Aha Parenting Biting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Aha Parenting Biting
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Aha Parenting Biting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Aha Parenting Biting
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Aha Parenting Biting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Aha Parenting Biting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Aha Parenting Biting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Aha Parenting Biting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Aha Parenting Biting
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