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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Aha Parenting Blog
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Aha Parenting Blog
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Aha Parenting Blog
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Aha Parenting Blog
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Aha Parenting Blog
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Aha Parenting Blog
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Aha Parenting Blog
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Aha Parenting Blog
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion below it
• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Aha Parenting Blog
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Aha Parenting Blog
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Aha Parenting Blog
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Aha Parenting Blog
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Aha Parenting Blog
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Aha Parenting Blog
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Aha Parenting Blog
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.