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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Aha Parenting Potty Training
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Aha Parenting Potty Training
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Aha Parenting Potty Training
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy child development Aha Parenting Potty Training
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Aha Parenting Potty Training
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Aha Parenting Potty Training
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Aha Parenting Potty Training
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Aha Parenting Potty Training
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling below it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Aha Parenting Potty Training
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Aha Parenting Potty Training
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Aha Parenting Potty Training
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Aha Parenting Potty Training
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Aha Parenting Potty Training
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Aha Parenting Potty Training
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Aha Parenting Potty Training
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.