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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Aha Parenting
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Aha Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Aha Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Aha Parenting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Aha Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Aha Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates much better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Aha Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mommy or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Aha Parenting
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Aha Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Aha Parenting
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Aha Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Aha Parenting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Aha Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Aha Parenting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Aha Parenting
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