Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Aha Peaceful Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Aha Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Aha Peaceful Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Aha Peaceful Parenting
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Aha Peaceful Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Aha Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Aha Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Aha Peaceful Parenting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Aha Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Aha Peaceful Parenting
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Aha Peaceful Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Aha Peaceful Parenting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Aha Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Aha Peaceful Parenting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Aha Peaceful Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.