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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Alternatives To Timeout
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Alternatives To Timeout
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Alternatives To Timeout
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Alternatives To Timeout
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Alternatives To Timeout
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Alternatives To Timeout
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Alternatives To Timeout
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and also much more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Alternatives To Timeout
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Alternatives To Timeout
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we should agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Alternatives To Timeout
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Alternatives To Timeout
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Alternatives To Timeout
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Alternatives To Timeout
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Alternatives To Timeout
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Alternatives To Timeout
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.