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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Am I A Good Parent Questionnaire
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.