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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Am I A Good Parent Test
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Am I A Good Parent Test
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Am I A Good Parent Test
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Am I A Good Parent Test
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Am I A Good Parent Test
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Am I A Good Parent Test
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Am I A Good Parent Test
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Am I A Good Parent Test
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Am I A Good Parent Test
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Am I A Good Parent Test
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Am I A Good Parent Test
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Am I A Good Parent Test
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Am I A Good Parent Test
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Am I A Good Parent Test
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Am I A Good Parent Test
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.