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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always yields better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Am I Going To Be A Good Parent Quiz
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.