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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently yields better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Am I Gonna Be A Good Parent Quiz
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.