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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also much more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Amazing World Of Bad Parenting
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