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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Amy McCready 37 Tools
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Amy McCready 37 Tools
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Amy McCready 37 Tools
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Amy McCready 37 Tools
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Amy McCready 37 Tools
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Amy McCready 37 Tools
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Amy McCready 37 Tools
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Amy McCready 37 Tools
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Amy McCready 37 Tools
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Amy McCready 37 Tools
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Amy McCready 37 Tools
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Amy McCready 37 Tools
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Amy McCready 37 Tools
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Amy McCready 37 Tools
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Amy McCready 37 Tools
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.