Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Amy McCready Bedtime Battles
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.