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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Amy McCready Book
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Amy McCready Book
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Amy McCready Book
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Amy McCready Book
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Amy McCready Book
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Amy McCready Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Amy McCready Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Amy McCready Book
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling under it
• Most mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Amy McCready Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we should agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Amy McCready Book
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Amy McCready Book
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Amy McCready Book
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Amy McCready Book
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Amy McCready Book
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Amy McCready Book
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