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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Amy McCready Education
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Amy McCready Education
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Amy McCready Education
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Amy McCready Education
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Amy McCready Education
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Amy McCready Education
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Amy McCready Education
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Amy McCready Education
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling under it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Amy McCready Education
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Amy McCready Education
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Amy McCready Education
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Amy McCready Education
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Amy McCready Education
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Amy McCready Education
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Amy McCready Education
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