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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling under it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we have to agree to provide first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Amy McCready Parenting Philosophy
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