Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Amy McCready Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Amy McCready Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Amy McCready Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Amy McCready Parenting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Amy McCready Parenting
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Amy McCready Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Amy McCready Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her full potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Amy McCready Parenting
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Amy McCready Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Amy McCready Parenting
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Amy McCready Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Amy McCready Parenting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Amy McCready Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Amy McCready Parenting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Amy McCready Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.