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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Amy McCready Toolbox
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Amy McCready Toolbox
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Amy McCready Toolbox
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy child development Amy McCready Toolbox
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Amy McCready Toolbox
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Amy McCready Toolbox
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Amy McCready Toolbox
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Amy McCready Toolbox
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Amy McCready Toolbox
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Amy McCready Toolbox
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Amy McCready Toolbox
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Amy McCready Toolbox
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Amy McCready Toolbox
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Amy McCready Toolbox
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Amy McCready Toolbox
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