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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Amy McCready
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Amy McCready
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Amy McCready
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Amy McCready
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Amy McCready
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Amy McCready
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Amy McCready
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Amy McCready
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling under it
• Many angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Amy McCready
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Amy McCready
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Amy McCready
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Amy McCready
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Amy McCready
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Amy McCready
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Amy McCready
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