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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Angery Parents
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Angery Parents
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Angery Parents
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Angery Parents
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Angery Parents
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Angery Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Angery Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and also much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Angery Parents
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Angery Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Angery Parents
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Angery Parents
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Angery Parents
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Angery Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Angery Parents
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Angery Parents
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