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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Angry Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Angry Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Angry Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Angry Parenting
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Angry Parenting
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Angry Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Angry Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Angry Parenting
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Angry Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Angry Parenting
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Angry Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Angry Parenting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Angry Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Angry Parenting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Angry Parenting
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