Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Annoyed With Kids
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Annoyed With Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Annoyed With Kids
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy child development Annoyed With Kids
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Annoyed With Kids
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Annoyed With Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Annoyed With Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Annoyed With Kids
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Annoyed With Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Annoyed With Kids
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Annoyed With Kids
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Annoyed With Kids
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Annoyed With Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Annoyed With Kids
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Annoyed With Kids
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.