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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Ap Peaceful Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Ap Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Ap Peaceful Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Ap Peaceful Parenting
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Ap Peaceful Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Ap Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Ap Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Ap Peaceful Parenting
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Ap Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Ap Peaceful Parenting
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Ap Peaceful Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Ap Peaceful Parenting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Ap Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Ap Peaceful Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Ap Peaceful Parenting
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