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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Apologizing To Your Child
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Apologizing To Your Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Apologizing To Your Child
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Apologizing To Your Child
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Apologizing To Your Child
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Apologizing To Your Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Apologizing To Your Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Apologizing To Your Child
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Many angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Apologizing To Your Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Apologizing To Your Child
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Apologizing To Your Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Apologizing To Your Child
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Apologizing To Your Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Apologizing To Your Child
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Apologizing To Your Child
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