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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Apology Letter To My Son
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Apology Letter To My Son
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Apology Letter To My Son
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Apology Letter To My Son
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Apology Letter To My Son
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Apology Letter To My Son
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Apology Letter To My Son
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (as well as extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Apology Letter To My Son
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Apology Letter To My Son
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Apology Letter To My Son
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Apology Letter To My Son
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Apology Letter To My Son
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Apology Letter To My Son
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Apology Letter To My Son
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Apology Letter To My Son
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