Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Are Pacifiers Toxic
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Are Pacifiers Toxic
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Are Pacifiers Toxic
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Are Pacifiers Toxic
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Are Pacifiers Toxic
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Are Pacifiers Toxic
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Are Pacifiers Toxic
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Are Pacifiers Toxic
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Are Pacifiers Toxic
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we have to want to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Are Pacifiers Toxic
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Are Pacifiers Toxic
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Are Pacifiers Toxic
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Are Pacifiers Toxic
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Are Pacifiers Toxic
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Are Pacifiers Toxic
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.