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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Article On Child Guidance
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Article On Child Guidance
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Article On Child Guidance
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Article On Child Guidance
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Article On Child Guidance
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Article On Child Guidance
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Article On Child Guidance
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Article On Child Guidance
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Article On Child Guidance
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we need to want to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Article On Child Guidance
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Article On Child Guidance
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Article On Child Guidance
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Article On Child Guidance
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Article On Child Guidance
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Article On Child Guidance
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