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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we should be willing to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Articles Explaining Peaceful Parenting
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