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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Asked And Answered
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Asked And Answered
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Asked And Answered
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Asked And Answered
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Asked And Answered
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Asked And Answered
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Asked And Answered
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Asked And Answered
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Asked And Answered
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Asked And Answered
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Asked And Answered
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Asked And Answered
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Asked And Answered
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Asked And Answered
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Asked And Answered
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