Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• A lot of mad children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Assertive Discipline: Positive Behavior Management For Today’s Classroom
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.