Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always produces far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling below it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. At What Age Should You Discipline Your Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.