Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Attachment Parenting Teenager
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Attachment Parenting Teenager
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Attachment Parenting Teenager
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Attachment Parenting Teenager
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Attachment Parenting Teenager
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Attachment Parenting Teenager
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always generates much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Attachment Parenting Teenager
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as extra common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Attachment Parenting Teenager
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Attachment Parenting Teenager
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Attachment Parenting Teenager
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Attachment Parenting Teenager
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Attachment Parenting Teenager
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Attachment Parenting Teenager
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Attachment Parenting Teenager
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Attachment Parenting Teenager
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.